Return to Principles

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Getting lost along your way in life can be frustrating, even depressing.

I have outlets to escape any buildup of self-doubt – because indecision and uncertainty can crop up occasionally.

But in times of directional floundering, I realized I need to return to the principles.

Those principles guide me through questions of direction.

Guideposts like being proactive, having goals, doing what needs to be done, and being an empathetic, considerate, always-seeking-improvement kind of person.

In being aware of my values, I can set forth ambitiously on a path with a destination in mind.

Gotta return to my principles.

 

 

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Prioritizing Priorities

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What is most important for you (me) in life?

Do you (I) have a pecking order of principles/goals/ideals/morals?

How do I make decisions?

This is where it would help to know my own guiding principles, and perhaps having those life guidelines written down somewhere would be useful too, right?  But I’m not lingering here on my deficiencies – like how I have difficulty in keeping promises to myself, and how lazy I am.  I know this already.

Knowing, and being aware of my priorities is usually easy., umm..I think.  But maintaining the effort it takes to stay strict with myself is wherein the problem lies.

One thought…

Is making a decision because of money a bad thing?  No, right?  Or is it?

How about if I am in a position to help a friend? By taking less money.

I realized….

If the amount of money is not significantly bigger than what I want (give me this, give me that..) then whats the difference between the two choices?  It’s me.

I would feel like a dick if I asked for more, to do the same job I did before.  Why?

Why would I feel bad for asking for more?

Am I worth it?  Yes.

So why feel bad?

Because if I really wanted to help him – I do – then the money shouldn’t matter.

I say I want to help people.  I tell myself I want to elevate the people around me.

Here is an opportunity, also advantageous for me, beyond the good I would feel (sort of) for helping him.

If there is any part of me that thinks this is a bad idea, it’s the little pain-in-the-ass devil on my shoulder.

There goes one day!( …. more or less….not really, just 9-4…..) the little red devil would whisper in honeyed tones to my hairy ear lobe.

Weirdo.

So I guess I have reached my decision.

Or have I….?  Shit, I don’t know now.

I’m gonna have to figure this out later.

Priorities…

Where do they lie…?

 

 

Learning Never Stops

I’ve learned a few lessons in the past couple of weeks.  I have irritated myself with mistakes.  I have been disappointed by how I react to people or situations.  But in the end I have learned various lessons.  I observe myself during situations, realizing I am acting in specific ways – in ways that I wish I didn’t, but didn’t have the courage to act otherwise.  Afterwards, I looked back, and knew the mistakes I had made.  They were very clear.  I thought about how I would react the next time something similar happens, and I hope that I am able to react in a way that I would be happy with.

Most fears come from how I think people will think about me.  It happens everyday.  How will they look at me when I pick my son up from school?  I have visible tattoos in a society that doesn’t accept them.  What will that person think when I remind them of something they owe me?  Will they think I am a greedy person?  Even if they did, why should I care?  I know in my mind, what is right for me.  What other people think – or more specifically, what I think other people think – about me should really have no bearing on my own life.  BUT, yet it does.  It prevents from being me.  Actually, it is just me that is preventing myself.

Stuff happens in life, but it’s not the stuff that happens, but how we react to it that is most important.  The things that have happened to me in recent weeks are like signals from myself to indicate that I am unhappy with an aspect of myself.  The occurrences are indications that I need to change something, I need to learn something, I have some of deficiency, or some kind of ignorance.  Feelings of pain, anger, irritation, annoyance, bitterness, stubbornness are the feelings of growth.  The old cliche, no pain, no gain is literally true.  Without some kind of death, there is no life.

Every time some challenge occurs, something that I struggle with, something that bugs the hell out of me; these are little deaths.  The death of some kind of innocence, something I did not forsee, something that had to die in order for me to grow.  The thing is, there will always be these kind of deaths, some larger and more destructive than others.  I will learn to keep dying.

Months ago, I told myself that I need to make mistakes in order to learn.  And now, the fruits of my labour are being born.  Mistakes have been made, lessons learned, growth achieved.  These things are part of what makes me an adventurer.  What makes me feel uncomfortable will surely help me grow.  I don’t think I have ever achieved anything useful in a zone of comfort.  And I could point to times of discomfort where I learned the most about myself.

And that’s kind of what it’s all about: learning about myself.  learning what I am capable of.  Yes, it really is a hero’s journey, and I wouldn’t change it for anything else.